A friend writes:
Mavuto (not his real name) married his wife, Stella (not her real name), about three yeas ago. Both of them are unbelievers but they attend our church regularly. Some years before they met, Stella tested positive to HIV/Aids and she began taking antiretroviral drugs (ARVs) to enable her live longer. When she met Mavuto, Stella concealed her HIV status from him. Eventually they exchanged marital vows. Now it’s been over three years after their wedding and Mavuto has just discovered that Stella is HIV positive and taking ARVs. Mavuto feels cheated; he is very angry and wants divorce. He has come to me for Biblical counsel. How do I best help him?
Well, brother what a sad and hard situation. I am so sorry to hear this.
First, it is always important to remember that marriage is God’s gift to all people including non-believers. But a marriage between two believers will be very much different from a marriage between two unbelievers. One of the things you will notice (or you expect to notice) in a marriage of believers is honesty while non-believers might not always be honest to each other. The case before you is an example of a marriage that is not guided by God’s word. It is driven by selfishness and dishonesty.
Next, God’s will for marriage both for unbelievers and believers is that once you get married you should remain with your spouse until death separates you (Matt. 19:5-7). God allows divorce only on two grounds: adultery (Matt. 19:9) and desertion (1 Cor. 7:13-16). Adultery is when husband or wife sleeps with another woman or man. Desertion is when unbeliever has become a believer and his/her spouse who is unbeliever doesn’t want to stay in the marriage. In this case, the unbeliever is allowed to leave the marriage.
So despite that there was deadly deception at the onset of Mavuto and Stella’s marriage, they do not have a Biblical ground for divorce. What Stella did was evil and serious dishonesty but the Bible does not regard deception as a ground for divorce. So, I would share the gospel with this couple and encourage the wife to repent of her deception before God and ask for forgiveness from God and her husband. I would encourage the husband to forgive his wife and continue to love her. I know this is hard but it’s only the power of the gospel that would remedy this situation.
Mavuto being unbeliever might disregard this biblical advice. That is beyond your control and there is nothing you can do about it apart from continuing to love and pray for them that the Lord will grant true repentance and enable them to believe in the gospel of Christ for their salvation.
I hope this helps.
If you have any question for me, please email it to firstname.lastname@example.org. With your consent it might be featured in “That’s a Good Question Series.”